So, I went back to work

So, I went back to work… I had found myself nearly immobile with grief in the summer and stuck in my head all day.  So, I found a job and went back to work.  I figured if there was someplace where I had to be every day, some place where I was forced to think about something other than my Roo it would help.

 

I didn’t finish getting my Bachelor’s degree, again.  I’ve been working towards getting that degree for nearly 20 years now, but I just couldn’t focus, couldn’t care about school… so I went back to work.  It’s what I know, it’s drawing a paycheck to help my family, it’s customer service and it’s safe.

 

I sometimes think that Roo would have chided me for not finishing, but at the same time I hope he would understand.  It feels sometimes that I have taken the easy way out, but I just couldn’t do it anymore – day after day feeling like I was under water with no way out, trying to force thoughts and concepts onto paper… thoughts of Roo overpowered everything… this way I am at a place with people who didn’t know him, I can create a person that can pretend everything is ok.  I can bring a picture of just Rin and people won’t realize there is not you….

 

I breaks my heart – I want to put a picture of you up, I do!  But I can’t bring myself for people to ask me who you are… I am too weak to try to tell your story to people who are only trying to be nice, but really don’t care…

 

So, I went back to work… I tried to run away from my mind, but I bring you with me wherever I go.  You are always with me.

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One thought on “So, I went back to work

  1. I read this yesterday but didn’t have time to respond. I imagine it will be challenging being back at work and being new to everyone. Perhaps you’ll meet some good friends and feel able to one day speak about Roo. You can always finish the course some other time if you feel up to it. x

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