So, I went back to work… I had found myself nearly immobile with grief in the summer and stuck in my head all day. So, I found a job and went back to work. I figured if there was someplace where I had to be every day, some place where I was forced to think about something other than my Roo it would help.
I didn’t finish getting my Bachelor’s degree, again. I’ve been working towards getting that degree for nearly 20 years now, but I just couldn’t focus, couldn’t care about school… so I went back to work. It’s what I know, it’s drawing a paycheck to help my family, it’s customer service and it’s safe.
I sometimes think that Roo would have chided me for not finishing, but at the same time I hope he would understand. It feels sometimes that I have taken the easy way out, but I just couldn’t do it anymore – day after day feeling like I was under water with no way out, trying to force thoughts and concepts onto paper… thoughts of Roo overpowered everything… this way I am at a place with people who didn’t know him, I can create a person that can pretend everything is ok. I can bring a picture of just Rin and people won’t realize there is not you….
I breaks my heart – I want to put a picture of you up, I do! But I can’t bring myself for people to ask me who you are… I am too weak to try to tell your story to people who are only trying to be nice, but really don’t care…
So, I went back to work… I tried to run away from my mind, but I bring you with me wherever I go. You are always with me.